I agree, without sex, the marriage is effectively over unless there is a serious illness preventing intimacy. It is no longer a marriage, just roommates. For the last 5-6 years, I feel my wife likes being the wife and best friend but not the lover. The thing that sets a marriage relationship apart from any other relationships we have is the exclusive intimacy.
I look back prior to the last 5-6 years, my wife was much more assertive sexually. Things like surprising me in the shower, leaving me notes. We skinny dipped in my parents pool, it was her idea. My parents were out of town on vacation at the time..lol If she was too tired because of the kids/work, she would always say let's make a "date" tomorrow. Then the next day she would flirt about it, it made the "date" so much better. I do miss that a lot.
I also agree that spouses should do their best to take care of themselves, not just for themselves but for their marriage. I have had many conversations with her over the last 5-6 years about all this. She does not take care of herself and says she does not have the time, but has time to spend hours on Facebook, doing work and church stuff. To me if it is important, you make it a priority and you find the time.
dfs: You are so right, menopause has its issues but is predictable, and I would add treatable. But if the other person will not admit there is a problem, does nothing about it and says that's how it is, where do you go from there other than divorce? My wife like yours would rather watch a movie, play Facebook games or do work stuff. Most of the time when I try to initiate any intimacy, she just brushes me off and will do the other things. I have told my wife many times in the last 5-6 years that no part of our marriage vows was a vow of celibacy.