I am sorry to hear about your dark thoughts. It's said that testosterone in the higher range helps mood and can counter depression to some extent. From my end, I absolutely, positively feel better when I:
A) Have my testosterone above 450 and preferably about 700+
B) Work out with weights at the gym in the morning, just about every day.
The combo is magic. Being more muscular and physically capable is a big plus too. (and horny, omg horny, all the time)
I have a number of health issues, and have not been feeling well for a few years. I discovered, on my own I may add, that I have a relatively rare issue of low calcium . Once I treated that properly, I feel great. That simple change (taking calcium, with occasional zinc and magnesium) has been remarkable.
Also, I use an energy drink called "amino energy" and it helps too.
I understand that many men do well on injections. I do not. I bloat up and don't feel well. However, on the compounded topical cream, I'm able to maintain a healthy T level and I don't have problems with the water retention. Plus it makes me far more horny.