Quantcast

Author Topic: Suicidal and depressed  (Read 6795 times)

Baseball360

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
    • View Profile
Re: Suicidal and depressed
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2017, 06:12:16 pm »
Hang in there.  We have all been there.   I met the  woman of my dreams and I experianced ED right at the same time.    I spent 6 months with her and every step of the way she was with me.   I got much better and she accepted the fact I had to use drugs to help with ED.    I got prescribed a bad protocol of Arimidex and it destroyed my sex life and eventually destroyed my relationship.  I lost the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world who had the sex drive of an animal.  I'm 40 and she was 46 and couldn't handle my issues anymore and left me for somebody else within a few weeks of us taking some time apart.   I fought and fought the time apart because I needed her support and to know she was there for me and she needed time to just be alone and I knew she would find somebody else.   I told her I loved her and I needed her in my life because I was getting sick and my E2 rose to 82, after it tanked to almost zero.  I was on a huge roller coaster and I needed her to understand and stick with me.  Within a week of telling her I loved her she was done with me.  It's all I had left to try to hold on.    It's funny how they always meet somebody else when you are at your lowest point and need them the most.   

I lost my mind...I went suicidal, I had bad mood swings....I lashed out and I ended up hating the woman who was my best friend......because she just didn't understand. 

Life is too short and life is much better when you are alive.     I'm nowhere near what I use to be before my TRT got screwed up.  I'm hoping in a few months things will be better.   I'm hoping I can date again and find somebody new....I resent the fact that the woman i loved was able to move on in a few weeks but I couldn't.    This is a life altering experiance but we all understand even when the people we love the most dont.

Nobody but those of us who have been in this dark place understand it.  What it's lIke to just feel so bad, hurt, sad that you say things you don't mean.  You love somebody but you just can't keep it together because of your hormones. 

Unfortunately those we love sometimes don't understand what we are going through or the dark place we are in.   They move on and leave us in the dark.  Just keep fighting and don't give up.

In my situation the woman that I loved still wants to be my friend even though she has moved on and found somebody new.    She was my very best friend and it's difficult for me to accept that.   Unfortunately sex is very important to most woman and it takes a special woman to accept a man that has those problems.  It's different when your married for years or known them several years and this happens to you.  Being single at my age and trying to find the right woman will be difficult.   I thought I had her.....we all have been there...depression sucks. 

I can not tell you what it's like to meet somebody so special to you and have that woman make you feel so worthless because of your hormones issues.  Just when you think somebody has accepted you for who you are and how you make them feel.  I've sat many nights the last few weeks thinking about that gun...and how easy it can be to just let it happen.  The last time I saw her I tried explaining my health and showed her the blood tests.  She wanted to have sex and I knew no way I could preform that evening.  I gave it a shot to her disappointment she yelled at me and I left. I got the text message about ending things, she was always so supportive and understanding up till this point...I wanted to eat the end of a gun instead.   I was only good enough for her when my hormones were good and the Viagra made me a porn star.   This hormone issue with men is real...and very few understand it.

I still love her....even if she will never understand.   
« Last Edit: March 16, 2017, 07:40:48 pm by Baseball360 »

cujet

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1171
    • View Profile
Re: Suicidal and depressed
« Reply #16 on: March 18, 2017, 12:34:48 am »
I am sorry to hear about your dark thoughts. It's said that testosterone in the higher range helps mood and can counter depression to some extent. From my end, I absolutely, positively feel better when I:

A) Have my testosterone above 450 and preferably about 700+

B) Work out with weights at the gym in the morning, just about every day.

The combo is magic. Being more muscular and physically capable is a big plus too. (and horny, omg horny, all the time)

I have a number of health issues, and have not been feeling well for a few years. I discovered, on my own I may add, that I have a relatively rare issue of low calcium . Once I treated that properly, I feel great. That simple change (taking calcium, with occasional zinc and magnesium) has been remarkable.

Also, I use an energy drink called "amino energy" and it helps too.


I understand that many men do well on injections. I do not. I bloat up and don't feel well. However, on the compounded topical cream, I'm able to maintain a healthy T level and I don't have problems with the water retention. Plus it makes me far more horny.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2017, 12:37:09 am by cujet »
58 years old
Autoimmune Hashimoto's, near zero natural T production
Cause: severe mononucleosis in my early 30's
Weight 235 and climbing despite eating far less
Height 5' 10"
180mg NPthyroid (natural desiccated pigs thyroid)
Labs (Oct 2017) , my T=730, TSH 0.03, T3+T4 mid-range normal.
Prednisone 10mg/day (no ACTH, dangerously low cortisol)
 
10% compounded creme. T=725, which feels just right.

Peak Testosterone Forum

Re: Suicidal and depressed
« Reply #16 on: March 18, 2017, 12:34:48 am »


ghce

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1230
    • View Profile
Re: Suicidal and depressed
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2017, 12:54:21 am »
I am sorry to hear about your dark thoughts. It's said that testosterone in the higher range helps mood and can counter depression to some extent. From my end, I absolutely, positively feel better when I:

A) Have my testosterone above 450 and preferably about 700+

B) Work out with weights at the gym in the morning, just about every day.

The combo is magic. Being more muscular and physically capable is a big plus too. (and horny, omg horny, all the time)

I have a number of health issues, and have not been feeling well for a few years. I discovered, on my own I may add, that I have a relatively rare issue of low calcium . Once I treated that properly, I feel great. That simple change (taking calcium, with occasional zinc and magnesium) has been remarkable.

Also, I use an energy drink called "amino energy" and it helps too.


I understand that many men do well on injections. I do not. I bloat up and don't feel well. However, on the compounded topical cream, I'm able to maintain a healthy T level and I don't have problems with the water retention. Plus it makes me far more horny.

Yes having super high T levels has made me very very mellow all the stress just melted away (which is stressful!) If you look at my current labs in my signature info, I know that a doctor would be horrified but hey I am really enjoying it. T cream is just the best (for me).
Age:60, Height 6' 3" weight 100KG
2014 Androderm Patches
2014-2016 Oral Andriol 160mg Daily
June 2016 Clomid/Serophene 12.5mg EOD
September 2016 no TRT all natural and supplements for the time being
February 2017 Testosterone cream 100mg daily

Sept 2016
Testosterone   8.2 nmol/l   9-38
Free Testosterone   239 pmol/l   L   250-800
SHBG:  14    nmol/L   9-60
Free Androgen index   586   >400
Oestradiol    112   pmol/L    <190
LH    2.6 IU/L Adult male   2 - 9 IU/L
FSH  1.4 IU/L Adult male L2 - 12 IU/L

22 November
T 6.8  nmol/L ( 9-38 ) L

March 2017
Testosterone:   45.0  nmol/L ( 9-38 ) H ( 1,323 ng/dl )
Free Testosterone:   1512  pmol/L ( 250-800 ) H
SHBG:   17  nmol/L ( 9-60 )
Plasma IGF-1:   227 ug/L ( 55-198 ) H
Plasma cortisol:   434 nmol/L ( 0600-1000 hrs 170-500 nmol/L )
HbA1c:   36 mmol/mol ( 20-40 )
LH:   <0.1 IU/L
FSH:   0.1 IU/L
DHT Plasma Dihydrotestosterone:   7455   pmol/L ( 223 ng/dl ) 
Reference Range Adult males  1000-6000 pmol/L

Peak Testosterone Forum

Re: Suicidal and depressed
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2017, 12:54:21 am »