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Author Topic: Sex addiction  (Read 831 times)

cujet

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2019, 02:58:45 pm »
There is no question my drive on TRT has been about the same as it was in my mid 20's. Unfortunately for a 55 year old guy, women my age and older are different, even on HRT. "Don't touch me" or "That was not very nice" is, unfortunately, a typical response to affectionate touch.

Sadly, I've given up trying. Of note, the tension at home is gone now. No more endless excuses and reasons to avoid sex. I'm not kidding when I say that the same 10 reasons were used in a rotating and predictable pattern. I could almost plan on Monday being the headache excuse, and Friday being the tired excuse.

I do not have an addictive personality and it's been said I have serious self control. So that's made it possible for me to live with this. Also, I do recognize that, for all practical purposes, I'm done. My sex life has come and gone.

It was an incredible struggle for the last decade. A constant series of thoughts would occupy my mind, wondering how I could "fix" the situation. I tried a lot of them too, from the gym to the airplane ownership and so on. In the end, I've accepted it can't be fixed if I want to remain married.

Note: post menopausal women will tell you they still like sex. I believe it's more accurate to say they like the "idea" of sex, and remember it fondly. But don't actually want it much or at all. Many of my older friends say older women use it as a hook, and it stops when the man is hooked.

I can't blame her, it's outside of her control. What I can control is myself and my actions.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2019, 03:04:45 pm by cujet »
55 years old
Autoimmune Hashimoto's, near zero natural T production
Cause: severe mononucleosis in my early 30's
Weight 200
Height 5' 10"
190mg NPthyroid (natural dessicated pigs thyroid)
Labs (Oct 2017) , my T=730, TSH 0.03, T3+T4 mid-range normal.
 
Currently not using T of any sort due to low cortisol

hello73

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2019, 03:40:02 pm »
My recent test level is in the 750s. Iím on 100 mg test cypionate a week. I have sex with my wife once a week. I always think about it, watching porn, wanting sex everyday. Weird thing is I take Paxil also, even before TRT I had a strong libido being on 30mg of that. My wife takes thyroid medication for a overactive thyroid.
Is it in the 750's on trough day prior to injecting or from the time you injected when did you get labs?

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2019, 03:40:02 pm »


Mr.L

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #17 on: February 05, 2019, 04:23:15 pm »
To what extent, if any, is this sexual ideation interfering with the rest of your life?
Checking out porn on a daily basis, seeing a good looking women and fantasying about them. I do have a addictive behavior. Was just seeing if anyone else has gone to these types of meetings and if it has helped them.

This sounds pretty normal to me unless you are missing work because you are glued to your computer and your good arm is 3x bigger than the other....

Flyingfool

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2019, 08:08:38 pm »
There is no question my drive on TRT has been about the same as it was in my mid 20's. Unfortunately for a 55 year old guy, women my age and older are different, even on HRT. "Don't touch me" or "That was not very nice" is, unfortunately, a typical response to affectionate touch.

Sadly, I've given up trying. Of note, the tension at home is gone now. No more endless excuses and reasons to avoid sex. I'm not kidding when I say that the same 10 reasons were used in a rotating and predictable pattern. I could almost plan on Monday being the headache excuse, and Friday being the tired excuse.

I do not have an addictive personality and it's been said I have serious self control. So that's made it possible for me to live with this. Also, I do recognize that, for all practical purposes, I'm done. My sex life has come and gone.

It was an incredible struggle for the last decade. A constant series of thoughts would occupy my mind, wondering how I could "fix" the situation. I tried a lot of them too, from the gym to the airplane ownership and so on. In the end, I've accepted it can't be fixed if I want to remain married.

Note: post menopausal women will tell you they still like sex. I believe it's more accurate to say they like the "idea" of sex, and remember it fondly. But don't actually want it much or at all. Many of my older friends say older women use it as a hook, and it stops when the man is hooked.

I can't blame her, it's outside of her control. What I can control is myself and my actions.

Cujet,

That is the one of the saddest things I have read.

Marriage is compromise. And while you are doing your best to live your vows. Your wife simply is not!  Her position is also complecompletly unbiblical. legally it is abandonment.  It is by definition sexually cheating.

Not cheating on you with another. But it has the exact and maybe even more devastating effect. Rather than denying you sex with someone else. She is still denying you the marital duty.

The decision is up to you. But her actions and denunciation of her cow to you is just plain wrong.
52 year old, 5í-7Ē and 165 lbs.
exercise:swim 3x/wk & marrial arts 2x/wk

Blood tested 9/19/18

Total = 580 ng/dL (250-827) 59.9%
Free T= 6.87 (4.6- 22.4) 12.8% (10.8 calc)

SHBG= 39 10.0-50.0) 72.5%

Bio-avail= 14.2 (110-575) 8.0%

DHES =not tested %

Estradiol = 22 (<39)

DHES =231 (38-313) =45.5% tested 2/14/18

Currently on 50mcg Synthroid (T4)
TSH = 0.99
Free T4 = 1.30 (0.80 - 1.80)  =50.0% of range
Free T3 = 3.3 (2.3-4.2) = 52.6% of range
Current protocol: 100mg DIM once per day. Reduction back from 200 mg. For 12 weeks. raised total T, freeT remained basically unchanged due to increases SHBG. Estradiol decrease from 30 to 22. Felt no better and maybe worse than at 100mg DIM so going back starting 9/25/18

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2019, 08:08:38 pm »


HRD LVN

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2019, 09:40:19 pm »
Cujet is your wife a Christian?
You can alwsys bring up Corinthians in a discussion.

Corinthians 7 English Standard Version
Principles for Marriage

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ďIt is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.Ē 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.[a] 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

If you would like a few more bullets here's 99 of them, haha
https://www.openbible.info/topics/sex_in_marriage
« Last Edit: February 05, 2019, 09:43:25 pm by HRD LVN »

Mr.L

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #20 on: February 06, 2019, 06:46:27 am »
I believe the thread has been derailed (no offense)... Pennywise, it really doesn't sound like you have a problem but if it is bothering you I think you should start with a regular therapist or maybe use some of that energy at the gym. Also, meditation may be useful. I would love to have some of your libido; I say enjoy it while you can! 

Mountain Man

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #21 on: February 07, 2019, 02:16:51 am »
My recent test level is in the 750s. Iím on 100 mg test cypionate a week. I have sex with my wife once a week. I always think about it, watching porn, wanting sex everyday. Weird thing is I take Paxil also, even before TRT I had a strong libido being on 30mg of that. My wife takes thyroid medication for a overactive thyroid.

I know you did not ask, but you sound perfectly normal to me.  Once a week at 34 years of age?  I'm pretty sure most men are up for more than that, certainly at that age.  I bet if you were more active with your wife, the porn would be unnecessary.  I'd get her on test.  My 61y/o wife (for almost 38yrs now, and still very hot) started HRT at 56.  I started TRT with her.  Life changing for us.  She says menopause was the worst time of her life.  She had zero hormones.  Both of us wish we would have done this sooner.

Great post. I fully agree. I am 65 in March and wife turns 63. We have sex 3-4 times per week and it is the best of our 31 year marriage. We are empty nesters in a rural town and 45 to 60 minutes of sex 3 plus hours per week is just what the doctor ordered for our marriage and our health. Funny how fitness conscious and health your wife becomes when she is healthy and has a great sex drive.

Pennywise- you donít have the sex issue, your wife does. If you are fit and healthy, your avatar suggests you are- then it probably isnít you. As many have mentioned, your drive is not interfering with your life. I think when a guy goes on TRT and libido rises like it does, a wife is either going to love it or be put off by it. Your wife is in the later category and has convinced you that you are the problem. Once a week? Come on. That is standard for couples in their 60s, and even if you have a busy life with kids and all that, it is barely enough for your 30s. Talk to her about this thread. If she will not do counseling with you, there are numerous podcasts that discuss marriage and sex on the internet. Find some that address your issues and listen with her. Sex is part of a healthy and full life. Donít waste this time in your lives.
Age: 64
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TT: 844
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Mr.L

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #22 on: February 07, 2019, 08:56:06 am »
My recent test level is in the 750s. Iím on 100 mg test cypionate a week. I have sex with my wife once a week. I always think about it, watching porn, wanting sex everyday. Weird thing is I take Paxil also, even before TRT I had a strong libido being on 30mg of that. My wife takes thyroid medication for a overactive thyroid.

I know you did not ask, but you sound perfectly normal to me.  Once a week at 34 years of age?  I'm pretty sure most men are up for more than that, certainly at that age.  I bet if you were more active with your wife, the porn would be unnecessary.  I'd get her on test.  My 61y/o wife (for almost 38yrs now, and still very hot) started HRT at 56.  I started TRT with her.  Life changing for us.  She says menopause was the worst time of her life.  She had zero hormones.  Both of us wish we would have done this sooner.

Great post. I fully agree. I am 65 in March and wife turns 63. We have sex 3-4 times per week and it is the best of our 31 year marriage. We are empty nesters in a rural town and 45 to 60 minutes of sex 3 plus hours per week is just what the doctor ordered for our marriage and our health. Funny how fitness conscious and health your wife becomes when she is healthy and has a great sex drive.

Pennywise- you donít have the sex issue, your wife does. If you are fit and healthy, your avatar suggests you are- then it probably isnít you. As many have mentioned, your drive is not interfering with your life. I think when a guy goes on TRT and libido rises like it does, a wife is either going to love it or be put off by it. Your wife is in the later category and has convinced you that you are the problem. Once a week? Come on. That is standard for couples in their 60s, and even if you have a busy life with kids and all that, it is barely enough for your 30s. Talk to her about this thread. If she will not do counseling with you, there are numerous podcasts that discuss marriage and sex on the internet. Find some that address your issues and listen with her. Sex is part of a healthy and full life. Donít waste this time in your lives.

It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with her if she only wants it once a week imo. People have very different needs/wants. A mother with several kids might very well have other things on her mind and different priorities. I don't think pressuring her into having more sex or telling her that she should want more is fair. If you want it more than her you can take matters into your own hands and it sounds like that is what Pennywise is doing. I don't feel like there is really any shame in that. I do agree that she shouldn't make him think he has a problem either though. As long as you can talk about it and come to an understanding I think you will both be happy. You have to understand that she might not want to have sex a lot and that is ok as long as you two are still connecting (I do feel that sex is important and you cannot just abstain completely). And she has to understand tha tif you have a stronger libido that you are going to have to take care of business with or without her (not cheating but solo). 

cujet

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2019, 07:45:55 am »
I believe the thread has been derailed (no offense)...


Mr. L,

I brought that up, not to derail the thread, but to illustrate the incredible struggle TRT caused. I feel it's relevant because, yes, TRT caused me to have a young man's drive. Clearly, had I not been on TRT, things would have been much more stress-free for my wife and I.

For those of us where TRT drives libido way up, dealing with those specific side effects IS part of the package. I will admit I failed to understand the entirety of the situation. I felt entitled to sex, annoyed when turned down, confused when my wife went through menopause and lost all interest, considered the other options, etc.

The fact is, I'm not entitled to shit. I know TRT drives my libido way up. If I want to be on TRT, it's up to me to deal with the libido properly and not let that side effect ruin my life.
55 years old
Autoimmune Hashimoto's, near zero natural T production
Cause: severe mononucleosis in my early 30's
Weight 200
Height 5' 10"
190mg NPthyroid (natural dessicated pigs thyroid)
Labs (Oct 2017) , my T=730, TSH 0.03, T3+T4 mid-range normal.
 
Currently not using T of any sort due to low cortisol

HRD LVN

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #24 on: February 11, 2019, 01:15:32 pm »
I do not see how this thread is being derailed. We are all posting ideas, what we thing, and telling our own stories about balancing TRT, libido, wifes concent.

cujet I have reduced my T injections to control my libido. It is the number one thing for me. Thinking about sex 24/7 jerking off all the time just gets old and removes all the excitement and tenderness making love to your significant other.

Mr.L

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #25 on: February 11, 2019, 05:35:43 pm »
I believe the thread has been derailed (no offense)...


Mr. L,

I brought that up, not to derail the thread, but to illustrate the incredible struggle TRT caused. I feel it's relevant because, yes, TRT caused me to have a young man's drive. Clearly, had I not been on TRT, things would have been much more stress-free for my wife and I.

For those of us where TRT drives libido way up, dealing with those specific side effects IS part of the package. I will admit I failed to understand the entirety of the situation. I felt entitled to sex, annoyed when turned down, confused when my wife went through menopause and lost all interest, considered the other options, etc.

The fact is, I'm not entitled to shit. I know TRT drives my libido way up. If I want to be on TRT, it's up to me to deal with the libido properly and not let that side effect ruin my life.

Cujet I meant absolutely no disrespect to you my man. I am aware of your situation and I understand the struggle is real.

Mr.L

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2019, 05:45:17 pm »
I do not see how this thread is being derailed. We are all posting ideas, what we thing, and telling our own stories about balancing TRT, libido, wifes concent.

cujet I have reduced my T injections to control my libido. It is the number one thing for me. Thinking about sex 24/7 jerking off all the time just gets old and removes all the excitement and tenderness making love to your significant other.

you're correct HRD LVN, For some reason, when I wrote that I was thinking there was more comments about Cujets problem than there are. I must have been sleepy or something. My bad.

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Re: Sex addiction
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2019, 05:45:17 pm »