I'll try to summarize my story in a few points:
- Started having ED/libido issues about a decade ago, was put on Cialis
- Started trying nofap and stuff like that. Noticed over the years, after a month of abstaining, instead of my balls getting huge and painful and me getting super horny, my balls would stay about the same and I'd just forget about sex. I made it about 50-60 days like this once.
- Found out last year I have a pituitary tumor, T was in the high 500s range
- Got treated for high prolactin levels, after 3 attempts, I found myself feeling worse everytime. Sexual issues worsened
- Found out I actually don't have high prolactin, and that DAs have no benefit to me in terms of fixing issues
- Started developing really bad depression about a year ago. T was coming up in the 400s
- Endo let me try Clomid. Felt great for about a week. Maybe it was placebo, who knows. Then got super emotional. Stopped taking it.
- Turned my life around health wise - more time at the gym, nearly perfect diet, backed off on the drinking and stuff, actively trying to improve my sleep quality naturally
- T now coming up in the low-mid 500s within 2 hours of waking up
- Depression has been resolved, but sexual issues linger. It's not like I can't have sex, but I'm just not comfortable with where I'm at versus how I used to feel, and how others my age do (I'm 34)
- Motivation and interest in life still comes in waves, anxiety and sleep issues still present (no OSA), and hitting a plateau at the gym. Roughly 11% bodyfat, so not much to lose there. Can't shake belly fat though. Wish I had consistent motivation to work out and other stuff.
- Here's the big one: I had the opportunity to go on TRT after being prescribed it, but frankly, haven't had the balls to stay on it. But in a sort of fit of desperation about 2 months ago, I pinned myself with 100mg T cyp. For the next week or so...I don't remember being that horny since I was in college, and it was amazing. No more 4 day wait time before I REALLY want to have sex again. I seemed better able to walk away from angry situations and less emotionally volatile. I didn't expect anything to happen either.
Part of me thinks this is like when any average person takes Adderall and says "wow I feel great and got so much done!" - it doesn't mean you have ADHD or need to be treated for it, it just means you're on amphetamines and that's what they do. In other words, I don't want to sign up for something like this for life based on unrealistic expectations from my body. Or does it mean I might have a legitimately better life awaiting me on TRT?
I have read of guys starting in the 500s and enjoying a huge improvement, but I know it's less common. I could still improve my sleep more, and stop going out on weekends, but after that, I think I'm out of lifestyle improvement options. I wish I could've at least hit 600 after all of this!
Should also add - my E2 is typically at 20. I've seen it go as high as 47 and I felt fine though.