New Relationship - Low T how do I approach the subject???

[lcorrigan1965]

Hi - new to the forum and I've been reading so many of the interesting posts re: low T and ED.  First, let me preface this by stating that I am a female, 48 years old in great shape and in a new relationship with a fellow who has had a crush on me for 30 years.  Unfortunately I live 4 hours away in Florida so our visits are primarily on the weekends.

We started dating this past June and had sex for the first time a few weeks later.  I noticed then that he could not get a full erection, he said it was because he'd never thought of me in a sexual way.........really........so for 30 years you were just wanting to be fist pump buddies??? 
Ever since, it's been the same so he pretty much has to resort to oral and that just isn't cutting the mustard as I have trouble reaching climax in this position.
Now it's gotten to the point where I'm the one having to initiate the sex and when things just don't work he's now begun making excuses.

I just learned that for the past four months (after a morning floppage issue) that he doesn't care for bed sex and prefers ANYWHERE sex - I was like "REALLY" me too!!!  So now it's been two weeks since I've found this out and still no ANYWHERE sex to be had.

Based on what I've read, it sounds like he's got Low T and ED - I really really want to talk to him about it, but don't know how to approach him.  I want him to know that I care and that I will stand by him.  He's an Alpha male (I'm an Alpha female) and don't want him to be offended.  I can already tell that he's building a wall so I want to tread lightly.

Any suggestions STRONG PRIDE filled men would so be appreciated - Thank you

[PeakT]

Hi - new to the forum and I've been reading so many of the interesting posts re: low T and ED.  First, let me preface this by stating that I am a female, 48 years old in great shape and in a new relationship with a fellow who has had a crush on me for 30 years.  Unfortunately I live 4 hours away in Florida so our visits are primarily on the weekends.

We started dating this past June and had sex for the first time a few weeks later.  I noticed then that he could not get a full erection, he said it was because he'd never thought of me in a sexual way.........really........so for 30 years you were just wanting to be fist pump buddies??? 
Ever since, it's been the same so he pretty much has to resort to oral and that just isn't cutting the mustard as I have trouble reaching climax in this position.
Now it's gotten to the point where I'm the one having to initiate the sex and when things just don't work he's now begun making excuses.

I just learned that for the past four months (after a morning floppage issue) that he doesn't care for bed sex and prefers ANYWHERE sex - I was like "REALLY" me too!!!  So now it's been two weeks since I've found this out and still no ANYWHERE sex to be had.

Based on what I've read, it sounds like he's got Low T and ED - I really really want to talk to him about it, but don't know how to approach him.  I want him to know that I care and that I will stand by him.  He's an Alpha male (I'm an Alpha female) and don't want him to be offended.  I can already tell that he's building a wall so I want to tread lightly.

Any suggestions STRONG PRIDE filled men would so be appreciated - Thank you

Well, sorry to add to the dilemma, but erectile difficulties in middle-aged males are usually more related to endothelial (nitric oxide, vasodilation, etc.) issues than testosterone.  Unfortunately, you don't know how much each of these is contributing until you start to dig in and do some troubleshooting.  But most middle-aged guys will be struggling with a significant amount of  arteriosclerosis by their late 40's and this plays havoc with their erections. 

Now I'm going to play Sherlock Homes and Dr. Phil here and try to get inside his head.  First of all, what strikes me as odd is that he hasn't gone for the usual quick solution:  PDE5 inhibitors (Cialis, Viagra, etc.).  These usually provide relief - at least for awhile.  (They are full of problems as well: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Hdr_PDE5) 

So, if he hasn't bothered to get this fixed, it does make me wonder if he is low testosterone as well.  Sounds like his libido is pretty non-existent and that is verified by your description as well.

Many other things can cause erectile issues from venous leakage to pudendal nerve damage to hypothyroidism to adrenal issues to medications, etc.  It's no different than tuning your car, but you gotta start checking everything out from A to Z.

Let me ask a question:  does he have any other health issues?  If so, this could be related to low T and might get him into the doctor and be a natural way to broach the subject.  Also, does he show any signs of depression or mood-related issues? 

[lcorrigan1965]

Thank you so much for the quick response:  In answer to your questions, here goes.

Q: Now I'm going to play Sherlock Homes and Dr. Phil here and try to get inside his head.  First of all, what strikes me as odd is that he hasn't gone for the usual quick solution:  PDE5 inhibitors (Cialis, Viagra, etc.).  These usually provide relief - at least for awhile.  (They are full of problems as well: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Hdr_PDE5)

A: He's very health conscious and won't take any of the PDE5 inhibitors - he exercises daily, but is really wanting to lose weight so he's going to the gym now and has introduced some cardio and weight training - this just started yesterday - he's 6' and guessing, weighs about 275, but he's solid muscle except for his tummy, which has gotten a little pudgy over the last few years.
Based on my reads of the various posts earlie,r feel he might be receptive to the somewhat holistic approach - I saw a lot about the Red Ginseng (non-alcohol/lead included) Citrulline/Malate and Neo40 - so if you could help recommend what you think is the best thing for him to take that would be GREAT !!

Q: Let me ask a question:  does he have any other health issues?  If so, this could be related to low T and might get him into the doctor and be a natural way to broach the subject.  Also, does he show any signs of depression or mood-related issues?

A:He has no medical conditions whatsoever.  However, he did suffer from a sun stroke a few years ago and I dated another fellow a while back who'd had a nervous breakdown (due to work stress) and the Dr. told him he might suffer from ED due to this....and boy did he suffer.
Depression, no were both very outdoorsy and are always doing something - the man is a piddler and keeps himself busy @ all times.  Now moodiness, it's hard to tell as I've not really spent any extended periods of time with him (9 days max) he does jump down my throat when I ask him questions - not probing questions, I'm just inquisitve - for instance, he JUST called me and today is his b-day so he was going out to have lunch w/ a friend of his. So I simply asked, how was lunch? He answered - long pause - Where'd you go? he answered - long pause. Is Norma going to get you the goats? If you'd let me talk I'd have told you about everything......Mer-Row, hiss hiss.  So I don't know if this is a mood thing, or he's just acting like a "Richard Head" -

Back to the arteriosclerosis - will the natural approach help resolve this?

[PeakT]

Will respond a bit later.

[PeakT]

Gotcha.  Well, if he's into health, then the holistic approach might be a good way to broach the subject?  You know him.  Is there any way to do that?

[kung_fu_panda]

my two cents


just a couple things,  your boyfriend somewhat sounds like me. (or rather how i WAS)..he has a problem and wont/cant acknowledge it. I got over it, maybe he will too . That said, i can offer two bits of info that might help. First , IF he is 6ft and 275, he is either a world class bodybuilder, or he has a good bit of weight he can lose.  I mention this only b/c when I talk with my MD about low testosterone, thats the first thing he will mention. MOST guys my age (im 43)  that have low T are significantly overweight . Whats his bodyfat percentage, or if you dont know that what size jeans does he wear? Over  36 id say is pretty good indicator he can tone up. Other things: is he diabetic? does he have high cholesterol?  all these things contribute to ED problems.

2nd point: He MIGHT be embarrassed etc to go to an MD about erectile issues. Thing is there are LEGAL (yes viagra with a prescription) available online (no MD visit, just answer some questions) . Here's a link:

http://www.accessrx.com/   Ive use them myself.

also, you can search and find a bazillion  non fda approved viagra sites (from india etc)... these are dirt cheap. Ive tried these as well, works great also.

 **peak, hope my post was ok, only listed a legal link ? **


anyway, not sure how to bring up the subject but he sounds  like a ton of guys that have issues but just arent comfortable seeking help. I  , how to say this, LOVE sex...and well i just realized things werent like they used to be or should be. I started researching , and that lead me to this site. Lots of good info here as well. Peak got me interested in trying the L-Citrulline as well as a supplement, which increases your nitric oxide levels  (very necessary to maintain errections). I dont claim to be an expert, just a guy that needed to correct some things for myself. Good luck!

[PeakT]

my two cents


just a couple things,  your boyfriend somewhat sounds like me. (or rather how i WAS)..he has a problem and wont/cant acknowledge it. I got over it, maybe he will too . That said, i can offer two bits of info that might help. First , IF he is 6ft and 275, he is either a world class bodybuilder, or he has a good bit of weight he can lose.  I mention this only b/c when I talk with my MD about low testosterone, thats the first thing he will mention. MOST guys my age (im 43)  that have low T are significantly overweight . Whats his bodyfat percentage, or if you dont know that what size jeans does he wear? Over  36 id say is pretty good indicator he can tone up. Other things: is he diabetic? does he have high cholesterol?  all these things contribute to ED problems.

2nd point: He MIGHT be embarrassed etc to go to an MD about erectile issues. Thing is there are LEGAL (yes viagra with a prescription) available online (no MD visit, just answer some questions) . Here's a link:

http://www.accessrx.com/   Ive use them myself.

also, you can search and find a bazillion  non fda approved viagra sites (from india etc)... these are dirt cheap. Ive tried these as well, works great also.

 **peak, hope my post was ok, only listed a legal link ? **


anyway, not sure how to bring up the subject but he sounds  like a ton of guys that have issues but just arent comfortable seeking help. I  , how to say this, LOVE sex...and well i just realized things werent like they used to be or should be. I started researching , and that lead me to this site. Lots of good info here as well. Peak got me interested in trying the L-Citrulline as well as a supplement, which increases your nitric oxide levels  (very necessary to maintain errections). I dont claim to be an expert, just a guy that needed to correct some things for myself. Good luck!

fyi:  Haven't seen the original poster.  Your comments on the weight were great.  As you stated, unless he looks like a linebacker, he's probably 40+ pounds overweight and that is going to likely cause issues.

The links was fine as long as accressrx is like kwikmed, i.e. they are licensed and have a medical director behind them; physician review, etc.?  Also, they are located in the U.S., right?