so, i went to the urologist today to do a sort of "ultrasound" of my penis, to check plumbing, etc.
for historical purposes, as some of you know, when i first got here i had low T of around 200 ng/dl. After 6 weeks on Clomiphene, i am over 630 ng/dl. So that's great
But, as part of being thorough, he wanted to check the health of my penile arteries, vessels, etc etc.
So, to do this, they stick a small (whew!) needle in your penis (little painful), which contains a drug that supposedly makes it hard, so they can get solid arterial flow, pronounced veins, etc to do the ultrasound . It was extremely awkward, at least for me. The guy in the office (not my urologist) that does this is a nice guy, and tries to make you comfortable, but man, i wasn't having it. He gave me the shot, then a playboy (ha!), and said "relax, i'll be back in a couple minutes." so, i could kind of feel the drug work, and then manually stimulated myself and indeed i was hard pretty quick... But as soon as he would open the door again, and i'd stop stimulating, i would go pretty soft, even with this drug in me.
In fact, the first time he walked in, he was like "oh, not much going on there...umm...i'll give you a couple more minutes." As if that wouldn't make me even more anxious! either way, the process kept repeating itself. He'd try and give me "more time," which just left me alone with my anxious thoughts. But yes when he'd leave the room, i'd get hard with manual stimulation, but then he'd come back in, try and do the ultrasound, and i'd soften up, making it difficult to get a reading. And yes - i will give myself a break here - i mean, the fact that i can't stay hard around a guy walking in and being around me while i'm essentially masturbating is not that big a deal or something to worry about *too* much
BUT....BUT! - it really spoke to a certain truth about me in really all other situations, even with my wife. I can get very hard with manual stimulation. As soon as i stop manually stimulating, goes soft very quickly. And getting erections to begin with just a visual or mental thought, and no stimulation? rarely, if ever. I hadn't thought about that really, until today. When the hell was the last time i just "thought" and got a woodie? ugh...don't even know.
So - essentially the ultrasound confirmed it - venous leakage. They said my arteries are in amazing shape, no damage at all from cycling, i'm super healthy, it's just that the arteries and blood vessels just can't hold the blood long enough for a sustained erection without stimulation. So while it's great that i eat all this raw cocao, POM juice, etc, that's not my problem. My blood rushes in fine, my arteries, blood pressure, etc are in "superior health" (his words)....i JUST CAN'T keep the blood in there for a good enough period of time. It flows in and out...
here is the interesting part - The urologist said he thinks that the low T could be, or IS - at the very least partially responsible or wholly responsible for this. Testosterone helps that area in ways i can't remember now (always forget what docs say!)..And that, it may take many months to try and get at least partially "right," or get some improvement in those vessels/muscles/ etc...
So, basically, now i know why i really struggle if i'm interrupted when having sex, or we stop to "try" and change positions (which we don't even do anymore). I just lose it. My wife loves to be on top, and i just can never even go there. I'm going to have a long talk with her tonight...i really hate having this be a "thing" in my marriage, but i want to be honest with her, and let her know "why." And - i think that actually takes some pressure off myself. I don't know.
So the big thing, too - this is a reminder of just what low T can do....guys - treat it!!! this really makes me mad that i didn't try and take care of this a lot earlier. i just suspect i've "lived" with this for a long time.
Also a reminder that the low T journey is just that - a journey. My T level is obviously great now, but it's clear that symptomatically, it can take a long time for that side to "catch up." It's a reminder to me that, while it's great that my levels rose, i'm clearly not out of the woods. I truly hope my body continues to heal, internally.
I need to search this site on venous leakage content, but if anyone wants to chime in, great. I'm a little freaked out, but in some ways liberated to know "why."
There is not a heck of a lot that can be done beyond the viagras and cialasis of the world i guess, until (hopefully), my raised T levels help heal this. He gave me a handful of free viagra samples. Yay. But whatever helps, great, i guess.