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werdisback

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Hi guys, some of you may remember me. 7-8 months ago I was making big leaps in improving my situation, i was feeling good for the first time in  7 years via weight-loss. Until about january-february this year when i had a sudden attack of depression. Since then all the fitness progress I made went into the toilet from neglect, it's like rather than being at square one, i'm at -2. My life took a dip for the worse and the worst case scenerio happened (short of worst things imaginable) happened(Sucidal depression, loss of frequent night-erections, insomnia, panic attacks, fatigue, emotional bluntedness, brain-fog, body aches, loss of muscles, slowed movement, not ). I haven't been able to study at all or do anything productive. I wasn't physically crippled, but I might aswell have been. First few weeks of the depression was living hell, it was mental and physical torture just to wake up.

Since those days , I've been mired in this big shit maze, trying to re-orientate myself these past 5-6 months. I've made some progress(even without meds). I no longer am as depressed, suicidal, I no longer ruminate as much, nor am i as emotionally blunted, or slow in movement, but everything else is there. Still have body-aches(occasional), insomnia, general lack of motivation(it's hard for me to  just motivate myself to step out the door), weak night erections(that come occasionally, unless i'm on melatonin, partially also because i regained all the weight i lost), irritability, brain-fog, emotional-flattness, insomnia. I'm improving on the emotional side, and a bit on the physical side, but not as much as i hoped for, and somehow my libido survived. I'm over the worst of the emotional and physically crippling hauls, but not really over it yet.

I'm still worried that this depression wrecked my HPA. Does anyone here (with experience with stress and depression) have any advice on where i am at the moment, and how to try to recover? I'm still worried about having to go on HRT for the rest of my life because of this.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2015, 03:50:52 pm by werdisback »

PeakT

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Re: Getting Over Depression
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2014, 01:06:26 am »
Hey, glad your back! 

(Of course, I wish you'd been doing better...)
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program.aspx
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

Peak Testosterone Forum

Re: Getting Over Depression
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2014, 01:06:26 am »


bzarfas

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2014, 01:42:57 am »
Dang,I thought you were gone for good(not needing this board)

I am in the same boat you are in, I feel much the way you do

I had cataracts removed back in October,(I got them from using a hyperbaric chamber used to treat my brain injury/coma) and leading up to them I regained a bunch of weight,

So my already depressed outlook on like was reinforced as my T-level dropped due the fat gain, which only accelerated my depression.

After cataract surgery, (one eye only, which fixed my double vision) all was good for a few months, then I get a very common secondary cataract, which was fixed a few months after getting it(about 35 days ago)

A motivational, lost my job(cant read with cataracts) and I'm looking for a new one, but feel very much like I'm at a set back, I had lost a lot of weight and  at  about to start TRT  June 2013
crap

so I'm blah....but I have the knowledge I've learned and I'm making myself  be happy..  i'm doing my best to ingore what i feel(whether it is hunger, sadness, miserty, hopelessness) and I'm focusing on what my brains it has to do. Basically, what I'd tell a person I'm watching going through this shit.
I am working on  lifting 2-3x a week
doing daily walking
eating a  low fat, high nitrate diet
Thats the big issue that helps me
I eat lots of veggies(rubarb+broccoli+arugula+spinach+eggwhite+POM JUICE
I take B-12, EFAs, Niacin
and drink lots of coffee

I don't feel like getting off my couch most days, and some days I havent, but I lift, give blood, talk to people at the store/gym,when I can, I stay active  and as the fat falls off, I feel better about myself and I have other goals I'm working on.
mentally
I still have an eye I can't see out of, and I have a IOL( intraocular lens) so I need to wear reading glasses.  I never wore glasses before, and I gotta deal with this crap. In a year or so I might get the other cataract fixed with a reading lens, so I won't need glasses, but fear of returning double vision is making me catious.
Oh and its EVEN More depressing that  my MD who did my cataract surgery, he's a friend I had in medical school.    Yeah, my life has really diverged, one little coma and you wonder, what the fuck is going on?

I realized stuff happens, and I need to react well to it, I have found myself taking m frustrations out on myself, I talk negatively about a lot of stuff to myself and that is a real drain.
I am nice to others, but not myself, I need to watch that more.,it might affect you?
When I say I am nice to others, that's not sunshine I'm blowing at your. I was at the store buying fruit/veggies and NO One is there(2am).  The cashier has no line, so I empty my cart on conveyor belt to check out.

I look up and the cashier who saw me, is STILL reading a  tabloid.
Instead of causing myself a stroke, I start talking to  her about the hot weather, what's shes reading(how silly those magazines are) and other crap
She asks me about the POM juice,  instead of blowing her off, I take the time to tell her a bit about why I take it
As I left, I felt good about interaction with the old lady and realized I really wanted to yell my ass off at her, but that just had bad news all over it.

My advice is to take care of what you eat and of what you think/do.
You can deal with this problem and eventually you'll look forward to each new day.

Keep us updated

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2014, 02:09:10 am »
Hi guys, some of you may remember me. 7-8 months ago I was making big leaps in improving my situation, i was feeling good for the first time in  7 years via weight-loss. Until about january-february this year when i had a sudden attack of depression. Since then all the fitness progress I made went into the toilet from neglect, it's like rather than being at square one, i'm at -2. My life took a dip for the worse and the worst case scenerio happened (short of worst things imaginable) happened(Sucidal depression, loss of frequent night-erections, insomnia, panic attacks, fatigue, emotional bluntedness, brain-fog, body aches, loss of muscles, slowed movement, not ). I haven't been able to study at all or do anything productive. I wasn't physically crippled, but I might aswell have been. First few weeks of the depression was living hell, it was mental and physical torture just to wake up.

Since those days , I've been mired in this big shit maze, trying to re-orientate myself these past 5-6 months. I've made some progress(even without meds). I no longer am as depressed, suicidal, I no longer ruminate as much, nor am i as emotionally blunted, or slow in movement, but everything else is there. Still have body-aches(occasional), insomnia, general lack of motivation(it's hard for me to  just motivate myself to step out the door), weak night erections(that come occasionally, unless i'm on melatonin, partially also because i regained all the weight i lost), irritability, brain-fog, emotional-flattness, insomnia. I'm improving on the emotional side, and a bit on the physical side, but not as much as i hoped for, and somehow my libido survived. I'm over the worst of the emotional and physically crippling hauls, but not really over it yet.

I'm still worried that this depression wrecked my HPA. Does anyone here (with experience with stress and depression) have any advice on where i am at the moment, and how to try to recover? I'm still worried about having to go on HRT for the rest of my life because of this.

Thanks for sharing your story.
I have experienced at least 80 percent of what you are experience today. I also lost libido and erection capacity for about 18 months. I am fully recovered and it took me a few years for that. I have a few questions for you.

How old are you?
Are you having any medical help? Did you mean you are not on meds? Any specific reason for that?
Do you have access to some kind of shrink support?
Are you working?
Are you on your own on this? Do you have people support?

Thanks
Age 48
Tribullus

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2014, 02:09:10 am »


werdisback

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2014, 02:31:59 am »
Hi guys, some of you may remember me. 7-8 months ago I was making big leaps in improving my situation, i was feeling good for the first time in  7 years via weight-loss. Until about january-february this year when i had a sudden attack of depression. Since then all the fitness progress I made went into the toilet from neglect, it's like rather than being at square one, i'm at -2. My life took a dip for the worse and the worst case scenerio happened (short of worst things imaginable) happened(Sucidal depression, loss of frequent night-erections, insomnia, panic attacks, fatigue, emotional bluntedness, brain-fog, body aches, loss of muscles, slowed movement, not ). I haven't been able to study at all or do anything productive. I wasn't physically crippled, but I might aswell have been. First few weeks of the depression was living hell, it was mental and physical torture just to wake up.

Since those days , I've been mired in this big shit maze, trying to re-orientate myself these past 5-6 months. I've made some progress(even without meds). I no longer am as depressed, suicidal, I no longer ruminate as much, nor am i as emotionally blunted, or slow in movement, but everything else is there. Still have body-aches(occasional), insomnia, general lack of motivation(it's hard for me to  just motivate myself to step out the door), weak night erections(that come occasionally, unless i'm on melatonin, partially also because i regained all the weight i lost), irritability, brain-fog, emotional-flattness, insomnia. I'm improving on the emotional side, and a bit on the physical side, but not as much as i hoped for, and somehow my libido survived. I'm over the worst of the emotional and physically crippling hauls, but not really over it yet.

I'm still worried that this depression wrecked my HPA. Does anyone here (with experience with stress and depression) have any advice on where i am at the moment, and how to try to recover? I'm still worried about having to go on HRT for the rest of my life because of this.

Thanks for sharing your story.
I have experienced at least 80 percent of what you are experience today. I also lost libido and erection capacity for about 18 months. I am fully recovered and it took me a few years for that. I have a few questions for you.

How old are you?
Are you having any medical help? Did you mean you are not on meds? Any specific reason for that?
Do you have access to some kind of shrink support?
Are you working?
Are you on your own on this? Do you have people support?

Thanks
1. I'm 22
2. They gave me citaloprom 5mg, I tried it for 2 weeks. It gave me more energy, and basically turned off my emotions, so I feelt a little better(but more in the way that you dull nerve endings rather than remove the source of the pain)  . But it was making me dumber(my short-term memory took a vacation) and giving me delayed ejaculations, and it made me a zombie mentally. It was depression, other than that, i'm on anti-histamines and steroids for asthma.
3. I do... but only a public psychiatrist(private ones are very expensive), who do nothing more than prescribe me medication and have talk sessions. Neither which really helped that  much.
4. I'm unemployed, previously I was studying at university.
5. I'm alone. My mother and father  think i'm just being lazy and stupid, and have zero sympathy towards the idea of someone being depressed. My sisters initially supported me in a kinda half-hearted way, before they got caught up in their own lives. All the progress I've done so far, has been by my own attempts to forget, supplement and sleep. I've had to distract myself from the depression, for bits of it to disappear.


Dang,I thought you were gone for good(not needing this board)

I am in the same boat you are in, I feel much the way you do

I was so close, I was 2 months away from reaching my goal weight, and when I was in my active season, I was in top health, I was lifting more than I ever had, even with a calorie deficit, I was getting hard annoying morning erections everyday. I was almost there at cotent normalcy, I even made a pass at chicks and almost got some. I was emotionally resilient and nothing phased me, no one could ruin my days back then, not even my dads tempramental tantrums.  But it all went away with stress and frequent insomnia. I have a friend who was also following his path to change, somehow he made it while I ended up spraining my foot.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2014, 03:21:08 am by werdisback »

bzarfas

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2014, 03:22:31 am »

1. I'm 22
2. They gave me citaloprom 5mg, I tried it for 2 weeks. It gave me more energy, and basically turned off my emotions, so I feelt a little better(but more in the way that you dull nerve endings rather than remove the source of the pain)  . But it was making me dumber(my short-term memory took a vacation) and giving me delayed ejaculations, and it made me a zombie mentally.
3. I do... but only a public psychiatrist(private ones are very expensive), who do nothing more than prescribe me medication and have talk sessions. Neither which really helped that  much.
4. I'm unemployed, previously I was studying at university.
5. I'm alone. My mother and father  think i'm just being lazy and stupid, and have zero sympathy towards the idea of someone being depressed. My sisters initially supported me in a kinda half-hearted way, before they got caught up in their own lives. All the progress I've done so far, has been by my own attempts to forget, supplement and sleep. I've had to distract myself from the depression, for bits of it to disappear.


Dang,I thought you were gone for good(not needing this board)

I am in the same boat you are in, I feel much the way you do

I was so close, I was 2 months away from reaching my goal weight, and when I was in my active season, I was in top health, I was lifting more than I ever had, even with a calorie deficit, I was getting hard annoying morning erections everyday. I was almost there at cotent normalcy, I even made a pass at chicks and almost got some. I was emotionally resilient and nothing phased me, no one could ruin my days back then, not even my dads tempramental tantrums.  But it all went away with stress and frequent insomnia. I have a friend who was also following his path to change, somehow he made it while I ended up spraining my foot.

I'm 12 years older than you,
After all the crap that's happened to me in the past year, I am more dedicated to doing things right, and getting that T/E to  30-40
I am lifting more than I've ever lifted in the gym, I am walking a ton and eating good good, gonna get those arteries cleaned, so I can take full advantage of a higher T/E  when I get there.
I am really happy with how few supps I am taking:
  my only drugs are coffee(caffeine) and nitrates and I'm doing my best to stop eating sugar(processed foods), but that monkey is hard to get off your back, because sugar makes everything AWESOME!
but I found a solution that seems to be working! and you won't believe what it is!
CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT!!

oh, I'll just tell ya

I always have food made,
I use my vitamix and have high protein/high nitrates shakes always in my fridge

and I know I can eat whenever I want, as long as its this food

My parents live 4 hours away, I have a sibling, I might  see once a week
http://peaktestosterone.com/forum/index.php?topic=2109.msg38686#msg38686
and we go for a walk/eat healthy food, Or I just play with her kids(my niece/nephew)
My medical school said, I've been gone too long and cannot return, so I'm working to go elsewhere, after I get  healthy again.  I have dystarthria  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004947/#adam_007470.disease.symptoms
which means I get judged a lot based on how my words sound, rather than the content of my words..

People love to throw cliches/platitudes/meaningless axioms my way,  but the bottom line comes down to a few choices
I can either veer my car into oncoming traffic(so many times has that crossed my mind)
or I can do what it takes to get better, IE reach my concrete goals of BMI<25 or bodyfat less than 15% and total T above 800(T/E ratio 30-40)
now last june 2013, I was at  BMI  26 and my T/E was 25.5, and I was about to get on Trt, but shit happened(cataracts) so all was lost.
so I won't do anything stupid until I get those numbers because I know my brain isnt thinking correctly.

Environment can make or break you, so even if you can't control all of your enviroment, I can't, be able to rely on yourself, which means dont talk negatively about to yourself about ANYTHING, not the dumb tv show, not about how you never do something, or you messed up something in the past.
and be able to trust yourself, when you tell yourself you are going to do something,
make sure it gets done
later on you cannot go changing the goal posts, you have to do what you said you'd do, if you cant trust yourself, who are you gonna trust?

a book to read(its interesting) Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky . is very interesting about how stress affects you
(i can send ya  an e-copy)
http://us.macmillan.com/whyzebrasdontgetulcers/RobertSapolsky




PeakT

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2014, 10:23:12 am »
Guys,

PM me if you think a mental health, personal psychology, fighting depression, etc. board would fly.  I tried it a couple of months ago and it just never got enough interest.  But if you think we could make it work, lemme know...
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program.aspx
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

bzarfas

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2014, 11:27:27 am »
Guys,

PM me if you think a mental health, personal psychology, fighting depression, etc. board would fly.  I tried it a couple of months ago and it just never got enough interest.  But if you think we could make it work, lemme know...

I would, but the problem with a board like that, is it's too subjective how you had it laid out.

we need some stickies that have the facts; the nuts and bolts of the issues which might be beyond what anyone really knows about.

 I think we need a peak program board, to succinctly guide guys through the program so we can ask questions about the program.

example: Do I realy need to add cacao to my diet?  I have so much other stuff to lower inflammation, do I need one more thing?
questions like that

and I know we have a board about testosterone, etc, but I'd think a HRT/TRT board would really help, so all the questions are about TRT and you could have a sticky about the ins and outs of TRT,
how it affects mood, fertility, regrowth, or stuff like that


Cronos

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2014, 12:21:55 pm »
Guys,

PM me if you think a mental health, personal psychology, fighting depression, etc. board would fly.  I tried it a couple of months ago and it just never got enough interest.  But if you think we could make it work, lemme know...

I think a mental health/psychology board would be good. I also think just posting mental health questions in the lifestyle board is just as good because depression is often lifestyle in nature so lifestyle changes SHOULD cure it.
ďALL IíM TRYING TO DO IS WIPE OUT HEART DISEASE, DIABETES, HYPERTENSION, AND OBESITY.Ē -Nathan Pritikin

Current protocol:


Supps:1500 mg vitamin c
4000 iu vitamin d
1000 mcg b-12
25mg zinc
Fish oil
4 TBS flax seed
1 TBS vinegar

Ornish lifestyle (very low fat diet, 1 hr exercise, 15 min meditation



Age 24
Used to be 165 now 150
Glucose 80 mg/dl
Creatinine 0.93 mg/dl
Cholesterol 128 mg/dl
HDL cholesterol 49 mg/dl
Triglycerides 42 mg/dl
LDL cholesterol 71
Vitamin D 106 ng/ml

Testosterone 641 ng/dl

Free testosterone 12.1 pg/ml range 9-26 former level converted 8.5 ng/dl
TSH 1.5

werdisback

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2014, 10:22:15 pm »
I agree with the above, and I'll keep this thread updated. So far, nothing noticable has happened. I've recently discovered that excessive internet usage was probably one of the main reasons why I had insomnia and depression(and I've  been using it too much for years). My depression has let off a bit by limiting time on the internet and computer. My insomnia also improved a bit(easier to sleep) but it's still not optimal. I think we underestimate our problems that stem from excessive electronics use. If anyone excessively uses their computer(5 hours +) per day, I recommend they it limit and see if it improves their mood.

bzarfas

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2014, 10:36:17 pm »
t it's still not optimal. I think we underestimate our problems that stem from excessive electronics use. If anyone excessively uses their computer(5 hours +) per day, I recommend they it limit and see if it improves their mood.

this thread hits on that issue as well
http://peaktestosterone.com/forum/index.php?topic=4137.0

werdisback

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2014, 01:19:20 am »
Im pretty sure i have low-t now. Whatever you want to call it. I mustve burnt out my HPA when i got that depression. Since even after weight lifting im not feeling better. I used to get elevated mood from it. But no exercising doesnt do more than hurt my limbs and my recovery times are pathetic. And wow am i weak. I mustve gone even below my normal 6ntrained strength by a good 10 pounds on each of my lifts.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2014, 01:22:41 am by werdisback »

bzarfas

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2014, 02:21:22 am »
Im pretty sure i have low-t now. Whatever you want to call it. I mustve burnt out my HPA when i got that depression. Since even after weight lifting im not feeling better. I used to get elevated mood from it. But no exercising doesnt do more than hurt my limbs and my recovery times are pathetic. And wow am i weak. I mustve gone even below my normal 6ntrained strength by a good 10 pounds on each of my lifts.

What do you mean: whatever you want to call it?
If you have a low T,(total testosterone under 500 or a low T/E ratio), those are determined by blood tests
have you had a blood test?
Because you have not and say, " Whatever you want to call it" then toss in a justification/opinion of what you think happened...I'm going to say get a blood test and know for sure.


What is your diet like?  Processed/sugary foods?> any veggies/fruits?
are you on a proper sleep schedule?
are you working out?

When you do workout, do you just go to the gym and wander around?
do you feed yourself after?

I am near a weight that I had a blood test that showed a low Total T/low T/E

yet, I workout 2-3x a week, and I'm stronger than I've ever been,  Because I go to the gym with a pre-set goals and after I eat and shower/take care of myself and I get to sleep at a decent time 90% of the time.

Maybe you do have LowT, but even if you do, you can still go out and kick ass,  stop feeling bad for yourself....I don't get why you are so depressed, any ideas?

werdisback

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2014, 04:32:31 am »
What do you mean: whatever you want to call it?
Stress/depression-related-HPA related secondary hypongadism hasn't been pegged down yet. Otherwise we'd all have been diagnosed with it. But since endocrinologists, won't believe you unless you have a sample size of a few hundred thousand/million people, they won't acknowledge it exists.


If you have a low T,(total testosterone under 500 or a low T/E ratio), those are determined by blood tests
have you had a blood test?
I haven't done a recent one yet. My latest test i had 14 n/mol, but I was obese then. But the difference then was I didn't have any of these symptoms, so my hypogonadism was obesity related. When I lost weight, whatever symptoms I had, subsided.

Because you have not and say, " Whatever you want to call it" then toss in a justification/opinion of what you think happened...I'm going to say get a blood test and know for sure.
I strongly suspect I have stress-induced/depression induced secondary hypgonadism. In my initial onset I had a week of untreatable insomnia. I was studying then, and I had, had an erratic sleep pattern for months since I started university. In my initial onset i had a row of symptoms.  I was getting weaker everyday and my muscles were getting looser and softer. I was an insomniac, and I was getting terrible brain-fog. In the seventh day... the day after the exam(Which I failed because of insomnia and brain-fog).... I just crashed into oblivion. It feelt like being burned out but 10x times worse.

It was the worst 2 weeks of my entire life. I could barely walk... I was a living-dead, just a thing. There was nothing animate about me other than my breathing. My head hurt, my feet ached just by walking 50 feet, food didn't have any taste. My libido vanished, my penis was dead. I couldn't think of anything, and whatever thoughts I had were just slow-nonsense.  I had sucidal thoughts, I feelt-dead inside, hopeless beyond measure, and I keept ruminating about dying. At that point I was so apathetic, so indifferent, I could watch an execution on a gore-website and not feel a thing. I might aswell have been dead. And I couldn't sleep for the life of me. The absolute bottom of the pit was reached for me. I wanted nothing more than to put a  9mm to my temple and blow my brains out or jump infront of a train.

After 2 weeks I still wasn't myself, so I didn't care what I did, I sleept at irregular times, ate alot of crap, played video-games and watched movies and did whatever I could(literally all the weight I had lost in the previous I regained) to numb myself and forget. Just activate myself so that I could function, if not just to think about the painful thoughts.

It worked... after a month of just distracting myself, some of the symptoms subsided. I didn't ruminate, I wasn't suicidal, some of the apathy subsided, I was emotionally flat, but atleast I could feel something different than mental pain and suicidal thoughts. I wasn't thinking at all. And it helped me get over the worst parts of it.

I'm better now, but I still haven't fully recovered(and I don't know if ever will, without some form of medication or HRT/TRT). I've worked out some of the emotional issues, I've worked out some of the physical symptoms, and I'm just getting the insomnia under control.

I strongly suspect that this entire thing has made me hypogondal, by overstressing HPA-axis to the point where they're  damaged and won't recover. I've been at this overstressing thing for years, but I've finally might have just blowed out the fuse, whatever it is that keeps the HPA going and pumping out the normal amounts of hormones, it might have just been trashed or gone. That's my biggest worry. But I still have time to wait and see. And so far things have improved and I might not be that far-gone yet. But I'll have to wait and see a few months.

The problem with this, is, I don't know if i'm depressed because my HPA took a dive into the toilet, and took all my hormones with it, or if my depression caused my HPA to take a dive into the toilet. I don't  know if this condition is permanent at all. That's what worries me the most. Will I ever be able to go back to normalcy.

What is your diet like?  Processed/sugary foods?> any veggies/fruits?
My diet was fine, until I started university and got depressed/hypogondal, after that it's been erratic. Sometimes just trash food, sometimes healthy food. But nothing consistent, not like before. I'm trying this week to change that. And so far i'm suceeding.

My current symptoms are these: fatigue, Insomnia(I'm just getting it under control, by limiting computer usage), partial-emotional flatness(this is just beginning to subside), lack of motivation(though this has improved) , irritability(I can yell at somebody over the most trivial stuff, before this, i was  easy-going), lack of morning wood(weight-related partially atleast), poor erections(could be weight-related)


are you on a proper sleep schedule?
I don't know what that means, I've always had problems with insomnia, especially after I became addicted to the internet(7-8 years ago). It took me years to realize that it was one of the main problems for not sleeping. Only when i abstained did I have some sort of consistent decent sleep.

are you working out?
I only restarted today, after 8 months absence. It hasn't done much for me, not like it used to, anyway.



When you do workout, do you just go to the gym and wander around?
No... gym memberships are expensive.

do you feed yourself after?
Of course.

I am near a weight that I had a blood test that showed a low Total T/low T/E
If you're obese, and have transient depressive symptoms, you're likely not  having clinical depression or permanent T-issues. I also had Low-T and transient feelings of bad and being fatigued, but it pretty much reversed by dropping 30 pounds.    Trust me if you had clinical-depression/low-T, you'll feel it.  It's nothing like the very mild, reversible secondary hypogonadism related to obesity young men have.                                                                           

yet, I workout 2-3x a week, and I'm stronger than I've ever been,  Because I go to the gym with a pre-set goals and after I eat and shower/take care of myself and I get to sleep at a decent time 90% of the time.

Maybe you do have LowT, but even if you do, you can still go out and kick ass,  stop feeling bad for yourself....I don't get why you are so depressed, any ideas?

 Sorry dude, depressed people with low-t don't go out and kick ass. We're not normal or right in the head. You live barely in a exisential minimum, eating, shitting, going to sleep, hoping all the unexplainable symptoms and feelings go away someday. If it was a simple as just positive thinking, we could've solved it by then. I'd just think happy positive thoughts. But it's not... theyre subtle hormonal issues. Related to HPA-axis and brain chemicals. Some people go on for decades not knowing why they feel like shit, even if they have worked the emotional stuff.

The reason I crashed and got depressed in the first place was because I have learning disabilities that hinder the careers I wanted to ontake, when you have trouble getting where you want, you feel bad, you feel useless. I've been feeling bad about that for years, but I managed to turn that around 8 months ago, and I was always able to recover from my short bouts of getting blues. Another related problem was my insomnia, probably one of the major reasons why I feelt bad without having any reason to.

I think my LD problems worked in cohoots with my insomnia to bring about HPA-trauma/clinical depression, which lead me to this state, it was all created by the long-term partial sleep-deprivation, stress of studying for a big-exam and LD issues resurfacing. Lacking sleep makes you depressed, and thinking about life-central things that are crap, makes you even more depressed, and if you've been having partial-sleep deprivation for weeks, and you're working like a hamster on a wheel, studying, the effect stacks up. I wasn't living normally even before this.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2014, 02:36:55 am by werdisback »

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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2014, 03:31:34 pm »
Well first off I feel for you. I'm currently on anti depressants and depression sucks. Although I think most depression can be fixed once all the underlying issues are solved. A big help for me and I believe this will help you as well.

1.) You have to figure out how to get the insomnia knocked out completely. Sleep deprivation will cause ALL of the issues you have described.

2.) Diet and exercise especially complex carbs (whole grains, beans, veggies fruit (I know it's a simple carb ect.) These will help raise serotonin as well as give your brain what it needs. Vitamins Minerals Anti oxidants and Anti inflammatories, and exercise will give you nice neurotransmitter boosts although you don't seem to being feeling that high after working out like you used to. I don't either but I feel that a neurotransmitter boost is still occuring even if it's not flooding your brain.

3.) Meditation. Specifically mindfulness meditation. This has been a huge help for me and really helps you not to dwell on your own thoughts and depression. This is the big issue with getting over depression. You feel like it's hopeless and you start going through all the things it could be but it creates a vicious circle that mindfulness helps you to break. Besides lowering cortisol you actually learn to control your mind although this takes some time and realize that life will be ok and still go on even if things don't turn out how you planned exactly. You live moment to moment instead of in the future or past. You can also try progressive muscle relaxation or other forms of meditation if you want to. The big key is being able to relax.

Now it may take more than just this. Your depression seems pretty severe. But I don't think your HPA is permanently damaged. You will get through this but it will take work.
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Re: Getting over depression
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2014, 03:31:34 pm »