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Author Topic: Relationships and Marriages  (Read 13765 times)

PeakT

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Relationships and Marriages
« on: August 22, 2012, 02:49:12 pm »
We ended up hijacking PaperBoy's thread, which started on HRT and then got several posts on relationships and marriage, etc.

https://www.peaktestosterone.com/forum/index.php?topic=470.0

I have heard MANY times that when a man experiences erectile dysfunction and/or low testosterone, the relationship can definitely falter.  Some of the reasons are obvious and some are not so obvious. 

Anyway, I started this thread, because I know that a significant percentage of men are struggling with these issues and a large majority of those are finding that it affects their relationship.  Let's face it:  women need intimacy, dopamine, oxytocin and many other things that come out of our bedroom encounters just as much as us.  They can "go crazy" almost as fast as us when that part of their life is missing or greatly reduced.

What got you through it with your wife/girlfriend/significant other?  Or do you feel your relationship actually ended because of it? 

NOTE:  By the way, I occasionally get comments that I am too anal and preoccupied with things like excitotoxins, environmental estrogens and even lifestyle factors that affect testosterone and erectile function.  Well, the above is one of the reasons that I strongly disagree:  both partners need to protect this aspect of their life for their relational health.  Of course, sex isn't everything, but I think it's incredibly naive to not protect this incredibly important part of your life. 
« Last Edit: August 22, 2012, 03:01:15 pm by PeakT »
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

makingsteel

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2012, 10:22:10 pm »
My wife of 13 years was cultivating friendships online and was planning encounters of the sexual kind including some old sex partners.  When I found out it kind of jolted me. I really took a look at who I WAS. I am a great guy but I was letting myself go physically  and dropping the intimacy. We were like roommates. I think she was going through some hard times also of just not feeling for sex. But those feelings of not wanting sex were just plain boredom of me and eventually she made that realization. That's when she started with the conversations. I said to myself OK I can't stop feelings that my woman has for someone else but I can make MYSELF the best I can be. So I started exercise and eating right and reading about Peak T after getting a low reading. She has decided she likes what she sees and does not want to throw it away. I have been doing my part in the bedroom and making it real interesting. I have lost about 45 lbs and still on my quest to lose more. I want to eventually see my Abs. So for now things are great. Happiness is almost always fleeting. If you got it hang onto it. But T is a small part of a big part of a relationship.

Some other thoughts I have had PEAK T. No matter how great sex is with a wife or husband and no matter how much you love them or how long you have been together or vows or religion. Does there not come a time of hey I have been eating vanilla ice cream forever can I try some chocolate?  On a certain level I can understand this. Life is short. Is it meant to be doing the same thing day in and day out FOREVER? I mean even PEAK T has a slice of pizza now again right?

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2012, 10:22:10 pm »


Blade78

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2012, 03:00:55 am »
makingsteel, very impressive response to those circumstances. I'd wish I could be so level headed.  You made some good points and within your post you made some points of things I feel exactly the same about.

what did you to lose 45lbs and has your errection quality/quantity returned?
“Don’t you feel good when you go to the gym?’ Not at all. There’s too many people in-shape there. When I go to McDonald’s I feel great. At McDonald’s I’m Matthew McConaughey.” --Jim Gaffigan - Mr. Universe

makingsteel

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2012, 03:46:37 am »
The Low T and being overweight I feel was separate from erections. I was starting to get board also with sex and erections and interest just was not there for a marathon.

So with losing the weight I decided on eating right and exercise and taking natural products instead of T shots.  I have not been in since the last T test but I will soon as soon as I don't eat for 12 hours and take a blood test. Erections have improved 100% They come anytime I want them now and also in the morning. PEAK T made me very aware of morning erections which I did not give any thought to.
Ok one thing that has bothered me and is still here somewhat is my Fat Pad. I want to lose as much weight as it takes to get rid of the fat pad. Psychologically it makes my penis look smaller and the fat pad actually gets in the way of going in all the way if you get my drift. I am 6'2'and was about 295 or better. I am really big boned so I never really looked fat just big. Now I am down to about 251 and nothing fits right. LOL

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2012, 03:46:37 am »


PeakT

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2012, 05:37:26 am »
Great story makingsteel.  At some point a guy has to choose between the high road and the low and you have clearly chosen the high road.  You're an excellent example for all of us.

And I've always been a lifer.  It's just my personality.  My personal opinion is that there is really only two ways to go to satisfy yourself:  1) switching partners and 2) romance.  I think you can stay with one partner and be satisfied if you keep the emotions through #2.  This is not an easy task for American men as they have almost no examples.  But it can be done imo...Just my two cents - not trying to force my views on anyone...
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

makingsteel

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2012, 03:37:09 pm »
Well the whole chocolate and vanilla thing was more in reference to the wife. I am committed for life and she is also.  But I cannot blame her as there is so much eye candy in the world . Every human has to deal with there own thoughts on this. I am a pretty routine kinda guy and I am fixed onto certain things that I like through out my life. Predictable might be another definition of me. That has it's good points and it's bad points. But once in awhile I do want or am willing to try something DIFFERENT! This is the struggle I go through in my head thinking about my wife and what's fair.

 PEAK T, Anybody told you lately that you have a great site and that you are giving back immensely with this site that just takes up your time and money. Keep it up and pun intended. :)

PeakT

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2012, 03:40:04 pm »
Keep it up and pun intended. :)

Lol.  I do what I can...

And thx for the encouragement.
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

neversurrender#4

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2012, 08:53:47 pm »
haha you guys are hilarious. and yeah thank you again PeakT, and makingsteel, you are prime examples that change of habit can fix things.
my opinion? keep the girl in your life occupied. while you're trying to fix things in your downstairs, you might as well get good with your hands, and no, not on yourself if you catch my drift. this will probably lead to her wanting sex, which if you're in most of our positions, isn't a possibility just yet. just assure her that its not her and you're doing your best to get back in the game.
i'm also curious about what PeakT said about morning erections.

makingsteel

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2012, 02:57:40 am »
As you know there are no guarantees in life. I have turned things around but I can never fall asleep at the wheel. To much at stake. Taking your better half for granted will only lead to your demise in the relationship. No matter what it is in life you have to give it your best effort. Your partner,Job, hobbies, friends, pets. They all deserve the best.

PEAK T in many write ups has stated Morning wood is IMPORTANT!!! It's kind of like a barometer of your body. No wood and there will be no sunshine, only cloudy days. Sounds like a song.

PeakT

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2012, 09:36:24 pm »

PEAK T in many write ups has stated Morning wood is IMPORTANT!!! It's kind of like a barometer of your body. No wood and there will be no sunshine, only cloudy days. Sounds like a song.

Yes, but waking erections and hardness factor are also a barometer.  (There is a book called Hardness Factor by Steven Lamm I believe.  Lamm was a pioneer in this area.)
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

makingsteel

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2012, 03:44:16 am »
Just purchased it on Amazon for my Kindle PC. Thanks for the reading tip.

PeakT

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2013, 04:56:18 am »
Wanted to bump this one up again.  Anyone have any comments to add on this? 
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

seppuku

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2013, 12:58:40 am »
Hi there,

Long time reader, first time poster.  I'm not sure if it's totally relevant to the topic, but regarding affairs due to mismatched sex drives, I can speak from the other side of the fence.  I've been married over 12 years now, and for most of that my wife has virtually denied me sex.  Before we married our sex life was great.  She then developed a thyroid problem during the pregnancy of our first child (we have two kids, so i guess we've had some sex). 

The problem has been that due to her medical problem she has just no sex drive whatsoever, and no sensation / feeling down below at all.  I'd never let that be the cause of a split as we have kids, but I'll be honest though, it's caused a LOT of arguments and resentment over the years.  It can give a real knock to a mans pride to be physically rejected by his partner, and in my opinion, when it's this way round (the woman with the sexual dysfunction), i think it's unreasonable for her to not satisfy her husbands needs.  If a man can't get an erection, then there's no sex - but to be blunt here, a woman can just 'lay back and think of England'.  I'd always get the "not tonight thanks" reply though, every time. 

Anyhow, to try and keep my story short, about 3 years ago i got friendly with a woman at work.  I was offloading all my marital problems on her, and it turned out she had a sexless marriage too (and no kids).  After much arguing with my wife we got some tests and treatment (Androgel for her), but it just made her aggressive. 

We did come to an agreement though, that as long as I didn't demand too much we could make love.  But picture the scene - lights off, no touching breasts (in fact she kept her top on always), and "be quick please".  But I guess it was better than nothing.  Over a few weeks though, she'd fake falling asleep to avoid sex, and i'd have to literally beg her to get it maybe once a week.  Until the inevitable happened with the woman at work.  On my birthday as she was leaving my room i asked her if i was going to get a birthday hug.  That quickly turned into a kiss and, well the rest is history. 

The kind of job i'm in made it very easy to have a sexual relationship actually at my place of work, and that's what we've been doing for the last 3 years (no meeting up outside work).  It's been on and off though, as the guilt I feel afterwards rips me apart.  I know she gets fed up with this, but afterwards I often tell her we must stop doing this.  It's difficult though, as she likes to come up to see me for a 'chat' that more often than not ends up with her coming on to me, telling me (for instance) about her masturbating the night before thinking of me.  Then it's 'little head' over rules the 'big head' and we're at it again.   

If it was just me and my wife, i'd have no problem, in fact we'd have probably separated.  But we're a family.  And yet I need to feel like a man, and i need sex, and this woman does things you cannot imagine (and lets me film with my phone).  It's like a drug, I know she'll let me do absolutely whatever I want to her, talk dirty to her, any time i ask.  For me it's just a sex thing, but for her it quickly developed into love.  I've explained time after time i'm not leaving my family, and she'll say she understands, but I know she hopes one day we'll be together (we wont). 

Anyhow, sorry for rambling on.  If nothing else I think my story shows that sex is important in a relationship, and if you aren't satisfying your partner, or she isn't satisfying you, then eventually someone else will.  Just lastly I will say this though.  Since I started this affair, my relationship with my wife has been much better.  Obviously not sexually (we hardly ever now, and i rarely enjoy it when we do), but in other departments (ie we don't argue). 

This may sound selfish, but I think as long as I never get caught out, then having an affair was the right thing to do.  I know she has hormonal problems, but to just expect me to lead a sexless life because she's ok with that is unreasonable.     
« Last Edit: February 10, 2013, 06:15:40 am by PeakT »

JackAndy

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2013, 05:01:33 am »
That doesn't sound selfish at all. It sounds like you have a better marriage now and both you and your wife are happier because you're getting the sex you need and she doesn't feel pestered. The only thing I would do differently is have an open discussion with the wife about it. There's a lot of couples who have a "I don't want to see it or hear about it" policy and everybody is fine with that. The secrecy and betrayal of trust is what ruins relationships, not the additional sexual relationships. Afterall if monogamy was an important part to keeping a marriage together, then polygamous couples would have higher divorce rates but they don't.
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PeakT

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2013, 06:23:49 am »
I know she has hormonal problems, but to just expect me to lead a sexless life because she's ok with that is unreasonable.   

Amen, brother.  I try to stay out of morality issues for the most part, but I really want to laser in on this one.  What I think is inexcusable is for someone to give up on a sexual relationship for health or any other reason if they are married.  You said it yourself:  it's humiliating and degrading.

If a woman has an issue with a man, then it needs to be discussed and addressed.  Us guys are anything but perfect, so let us know if there is something we are doing wrong. 

And if there is a health issue, then get it fixed.  Now that's not always possible.  But, as you can tell from my site, I believe that 90% of the time it is and that the body can heal itself much more often that not.  And so what I think is tragic is that it seems your wife has given up. 

In fact, I'd like to ask a question:

Since when is a thyroid issue untreatable?
THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON TRT/TESTOSTERONE:
https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Versus-Testosterone-Therapy-Myer/dp/1523210532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499116128&sr=8-1&keywords=natural+versus+testosterone+therapy
And check out my New Peak Testosterone Program: http://www.peaktestosterone.com/peak_testosterone_program
If you are on medications or have a medical condition, always check with your doctor first before making any lifestyle changes or taking new supplements.  And low testosterone is a medical condition.

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Re: Relationships and Marriages
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2013, 06:23:49 am »