Oxytocin: The Magic Touch

I have shown you that Sex will 1) increase testosterone, 2) improve erectile dysfunction, 3) help you sleep better and even 4) lower stress hormones.  Oh, and by the way, it feels good too.

So, believe it or not, sex is actually good for you.  In fact, it is very, very good for you.  Now if you’re the typical guy, you are saying, “I already knew that!  My problem is that I can’t get The Woman to understand that!”  For most males the issue isn’t making a New Year’s resolution to have more sex. The problem is simply that it’s kind of hard to have sex without a willing partner.

So how do we as males usually cope with the unwillingness or disinterest of our partner?  We curse the darkness.  We sob uncontrollably.  We become angry.  We resort to blatant manipulation and whining.  And then, eventually, we give up.

But there is a better way, my friend, and it has to do with hormones. You must get your woman’s hormones involved or tonight’s endless passion isn’t going to happen.  You’re no different by the way:  your hormones must be engaged for you to be interested in making love.  So why would you think the feamle in your life is any different?

At some point we have to come to the realization that a woman will not make love unless she wants to make love.  And, for the most part, a woman doesn’t want to make love for the same reasons that a man wants to because her hormonal makeup is very, very different.

I am going to tell you what you already know – most women are HIGHLY stimulated by touch.  There is a reason for that:  oxytocin. Oxytocin receptors are generally located in the same areas of the brain that are heavily concentrated with dopamine receptors and dopamine is the neurotransmitter associated with things like morphine, cocaine and sex – the build up of an orgasm floods one’s system with dopamine.

So oxytocin is right there at the pleasure centers in the brain.  However, in a male oxytocin’s effects are somewhat inhibited by testosterone. [1]  What about in the female?  In the female, oxytocin is fully available to create feelings of bonding, intimacy and even pleasure.  Furthermore, some research suggests that estrogen can actually more fully activate the effects of oxytocin.  And this is critical:  oxytocin in women lowers stress hormones. [2] (It’s so powerful that can even lower her blood pressure!)  In other words, if you can figure out a way to increase your partner’s oxytocin levels, you will both give her many positive emotions AND de-stress her while you’re at it. Notice that oxytocin is as good for a woman’s health as testosterone is for a male.

In fact, there is one Pubmed report of a woman that was sprayed with Oxytocin to get her milk to let down for breast feeding.  She noticed “copious transudate trickling down her leg” and then intense sexual desire followed.  She initiated sex with her partner and, well, I’ll let you read the rest of the story.  Now this is not an everyday occurrence with oxytocin, but it shows the power in some women for this love-building hormone.

This same study points out that other hormones such as estrogen also increase and potentiate oxytocin and, in that kind of environment, seem to have an aphrodisiac-like effect. [3]  This has definitely been documented in animals. [4]

So what I’m getting at is that if you want to get a male involved in sex, you’ve got to think testosterone.  But with a female, that ain’t gonna work:  even a low testosterone guy has 6+ times the level of testosterone that his Woman has.  No, with females we need to think oxytocin.

The question then becomes:  how do we get in there and boost her oxytocin without manipulation? Don’t you think that your chances at a night of love would then be much better, Lucky Pierre?  To answer that question, let me give you oxytocin’s nickname:  the “Touch Hormone“.  What is it called the Touch Hormone?  Because one critical way it is activated is by the sense of touch.

That’s where massage comes in.  You must add this to your arsenal if you have not already.  A good massage is like foreplay to a woman and guess what?  She cannot help it.  She is wired that way.  Touch for her – and massage is one of the most pleasureable forms of touch – is a little slice of heaven every time you do it.

For those interested, I’ll move onto the next class: The Fundamentals of Massage 101.


1) Johnson, Steven. “Emotions and the Brain: Love”. Discover Magazine. May 1, 2003

2) Biol Psychiatry,2003 Dec 15,54(12):1389-98

3) Neurosci Biobehav Rev, 1992, 16:131-144

4) Hormones and Behavior, Feb 1999, 35(1):38-46, “Conjugated Estradiol Increases Female Sexual Receptivity in Response to Oxytocin Infused into the Medial Preoptic Area and Medial Basal Hypothalamus”

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